Some friends of mine suggested that I write down what I want in my wife, and then to pray about it. Not a bad idea, and I think writing them down may help me to see what the desires of my heart are for a wife.
1. I want a wife who loves Jesus and has placed her faith in Him for her salvation. If she shares this most foundational bond with me, then everything else in our relationship will benefit. All conflicts can be resolved because we have a starting point to which we can return and work out any differences we may have.
2. I want a wife who values our relationship over any conflicts and is patient with me. If our relationship is more important than any conflict we will have, then we will be willing to discuss problems that are occurring or things that need to change in our relationship. We will not give up on our relationship and bail out because one of us hurts the other or because we feel like the other person isn’t listening because they have hurt us in the same manner as before. We will always work to be reconciled when there is conflict. We will be patient with and prayerful for one another, in order that God will make us into better reflections of His love and glory. We will make it a priority to pray for our relationship.
3. I want a wife who will forgive me when I wrong her and lovingly tell me how I have hurt her. I am a son of Adam. I was born into imperfection. Much as I strive, and as much progress as Christ will make and is now making in my life to refine me into His perfect child, I have not attained perfection, nor will I while here on earth. And as much as I will hate and fight against doing these things, I will eventually do them. I will fail my wife. I will hurt my wife with my words and with my actions. I need forgiveness whenever I sin, but especially so when the offense is against the woman whom I love most. Forgiveness is an absolute necessity on both sides of the marriage.
4. I want a wife who will be honest with me about how she feels. I genuinely care about my friends because of the love of Christ that lives in me. How much more my wife! If she hides her feelings from me, I am no mind reader; I can only guess at what she is thinking and feeling. I may have hurt her. I may be doing something that she wants to see changed. I may be doing something she is uncomfortable with. I need a wife who will be honest with me in private to the point where if I haven’t been listening, she’ll ask me to sit down, be quiet, and let her share what she has to share.
5. I want a wife who desires to worship God wherever she is and will partner with me in this. If she is musically inclined, so much the better. If not, then walks in the woods, praying together, serving together; these types of things will be pleasing as well. I want a wife with whom I can share the experience of the love and joy I find in glorifying God.
6. I want a wife who is emotionally and spiritually mature. I want a wife who can come alongside me in her walk and be a partner to me. I don’t want a wife who plays childish emotional games or gives me the silent treatment whenever there is a conflict. I need a wife who loves me enough to be honest, loves me enough to forgive me when I am wrong and work to restore our relationship, and loves Jesus enough to love me.
7. I want a wife who highly values our time together, irrespective of the activity in which we may be engaged. I want a wife who loves spending time with me whether we’re on a Caribbean vacation, hiking a trail, driving in a car, or even simply cuddling in a chair.
8. I want a wife who will hold me accountable to commitments I have made and to my walk as a follower of Christ. I don’t want a nag, but I do want someone who will lovingly and gently correct me when I am in error. If I am not being a very good listener, I want her to gently remind me that I interrupted her before she was finished. If I have hurt someone with something I have said or done, I want her to gently tell me that I ought to go make things right. I do not desire an overly critical wife, rather one who encourages and spurs me on to godly thinking and living.
So if those are things that line up with your will for my life, God, those are the desires of my heart. Make me into the man I need to be for her, then bring her to me. I am satisfied in You with or without a woman in my life, God. But I do desire a partner for this walk, Lord.